Let’s talk about a word that drives me crazy. It’s the word, “busy”. I was called the big “B” word today. After rolling my eyes from the inside, I thought, I should write a blog post on this and tell you exactly why it’s not cool, and why it should bother you too. The word “Busy” needs to go. Here’s why I’ve kicked it out of my vocabulary, and why you should too.
Busy Definition and Meaning
I get it. To some this word probably isn’t a big deal. But the thing is – to others it may be. It can come off as pretty brash, hurtful, inconsiderate or disrespectful. To me, the word “busy” feels like an excuse, possibly a way to remove responsibility, or it may even be thrown out there as a badge of honor in today’s hustle culture. The word “busy” is often used as a marker of success, like it’s something to be proud of when implying it about yourself. Worse yet, it becomes an easy out for not being present. It’s also an easy way to deflect without giving a proper reason, in which turn can lead to a lot of boundaries and separation without you even realizing it.
We hear it all the time, thrown around casually as if it’s no big deal …
“I’m so busy, I don’t know if I can make it.”
“I’ve been so busy, I didn’t have time to call you back.”
“I know you’re too busy for this …”
“I didn’t even bother asking because you’re just so busy…”
“You’re probably too busy, but can you …?”
Sound familiar?
Whether it’s about ourselves or someone else, “busy” often creates distance, implying that there’s no room for connection, availability, or even accountability. It’s far from a compliment and sadly it creates distance, disconnection, and boundaries.
So let me tell you what “busy” truly means, because it’s not pretty, and you shouldn’t call yourself nor other people not so pretty things.
Here’s the definition and meaning of busy:
- An Excuse: Used to avoid commitments or responsibilities.
- A Disconnect: Creates barriers between people, signaling unavailability.
- A Humble Brag: Disguised as a complaint but often used to show importance.
- Lack of Presence: Keeps you from being fully engaged in the moment.
- Poor Time Management: Reflects an inability to prioritize or delegate tasks effectively.
- Stress Creator: Adds unnecessary pressure and tension, leading to burnout.
- Self-Centeredness: Can signal that you value your own time over others’.
- Steals Identity: Over-identifying with being “busy” can lead to burnout and affect your mental health.
- False Sense of Success: Perpetuates the belief that constantly doing more equals success.
The Humble Brag in Disguise
Ever notice how some people say they’re busy as if it’s a badge of honor? “Oh, I’ve just been so busy lately!” Cue the eye roll once again. It’s often a humble brag, wrapped up in a complaint. But here’s the thing: being busy doesn’t make you important – it just makes you sound like you’ve lost control of your time.
“Busy” Is a Connection Killer
When someone tells me, “I’m too busy,” it’s like they’ve built an invisible wall between us. Whether it’s intentional or not, it signals that they don’t have time for a deeper connection.
It’s self-centered, even if that wasn’t the intention. Usually they’re implying they are in fact too busy, not the other way around. It’s an excuse for them for why you may not be getting together. We all have things going on, but how you handle those things is what counts.
For the past year and a half, I’ve worked really hard on being present – setting my intentions for the weeks, days, and even hours – for the things and people that matter most to me. And you know what? I don’t use the word “busy” anymore.
When someone asks how I’m doing, I tell them what’s up. Not how overwhelmed I am or disorganized my scheduled is. And when someone tells me they’re too busy, I usually ask them what really is going on. Or if I’m over it, that’s where the boundaries of separation begin. Next time someone tells you they’re too busy – try responding with, “I’m sorry, do you want to talk about it? What’s really going on? How can I help?” I bet you’ll receive either an emotional or really confused response.
Busy vs. Priorities: Perception Is Everything
The other day someone said to me – “You have a high level of work capacity.” Intrigued I asked her what she meant. She followed it by saying that I have the ability to get a lot done in a done, what others can’t. It led to a beautiful conversation about efficiency, capacity, how both her and I manage time, how we don’t overthink or overcomplicate, and how we both can feel like enough is never enough, that there’s always more to be done. Still smiling thinking about that conversation. It reminded me that those are the kind of cool conversations that can happen when you don’t use the “B” word. She could have easily said – you are so BUSY. In which case I would have dove straight into the point of our call. There would have been no in depth conversation about the joy of work, family, life and how we can do it all. It helped deepen our connection on another level as well, bonus we learned a few things about one another and ourselves. That’s pretty cool.
“Perception is reality,” I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – it’s forever one of my favorite quotes my college professor taught me. What might seem like an insanely busy day for one person could feel like a lazy afternoon to someone else. It’s not that we’re all running on the same clock. It’s that we all value, and structure our time, energy, and patience differently. We all work differently too. I may or may not get something done in one hour that others day in one day. So when you say you’re “busy,” what are you really saying? That you’re unavailable for what matters, you really just don’t want to do that, or that you’re not managing your time effectively? As Brene Brown tells us – “Clear is kind.” Be direct and say what you really need to say.
Busy is Subjective
The word “busy” is subjective, meaning it’s based on personal perception rather than an objective reality. What one person views as a packed or overwhelming schedule might feel like a manageable day to someone else. Here’s why!
- Different Priorities: People have different values, responsibilities, and goals. What seems like a busy day for one person (for example, juggling work and family) might feel relaxed to someone who thrives in high-pressure environments.
- Varying Energy Levels: Each person has different capacities for handling tasks. Some can handle many activities without feeling strained, while others might feel overwhelmed with fewer commitments.
- Perception of Time: Our sense of time varies. Someone who is highly organized might view their day as full but manageable, while someone who feels scattered might view the same schedule as chaotic.
- Emotional State: Stress or anxiety can make a person feel busier than they actually are, while feeling calm and focused can make a full schedule seem doable.
In short, “busy” means different things to different people based on how they perceive and manage their time and tasks. It’s important to recognize that, since it’s subjective, we need to be mindful of how we use and interpret the word. And for the love, just don’t tell someone that they’re buys. It’s simply rude.
“Busy” Trap Is a Sign of Poor Leadership
Let’s get real for a moment. If you find yourself constantly claiming to be “busy,” it’s not a sign that you’re dominating life. In fact, it’s often a signal that something is seriously off with your time management or personal leadership. Being busy isn’t a badge of honor, and it definitely doesn’t validate your importance—it’s more of a red flag waving to let you know you’re stretched too thin.
When you’re always busy, it usually means you’re not prioritizing effectively. You’re juggling too many things at once, and instead of delegating or streamlining, you’re trying to do it all. This approach doesn’t just lead to burnout—it can start to steal your sense of self. You lose focus on what truly matters and fall into the trap of thinking that being perpetually busy is a sign of success. But in reality, it’s a fast track to misery.
True leadership, especially in your own life, is about making intentional choices, managing your energy, and focusing on what will actually move the needle forward. Overloading yourself only leads to exhaustion and dissatisfaction, not growth. So, if you find yourself living in a constant state of “busy,” it might be time to reassess how you’re leading your life and where your attention is going.
Stop Glorifying the Hustle
At the end of the day, life is not about how many tasks you can cram into your day or how busy you can be. It’s about being intentional with your time and making room for the things that truly light you up. So, here’s my challenge to you: drop the word “busy” from your vocabulary. Be present, be purposeful, and most of all, be available for the things that matter to YOU. Some things that matter to you, might not matter to others. Use your best HELL. YES!
Because at the end of the day, we’re not too busy—we just need to refocus our priorities. And trust me, that’s way more impressive than humble bragging about your chaotic schedule.
So, what will you choose to make time for today?
For me, it’ll for sure be my plants, garden, long nature walks, and a nap there in between.
Words Have Power. Use Better Ones.
The next time you’re tempted to say “busy,” I’d encourage you to pause and try to choose a word that’s more accurate. Are you/they truly busy, are you over-scheduled, overwhelmed, or even unfocused? These words don’t just tell others you’ve got a lot going on—they help you pinpoint the actual issue, which is the first step in solving it.
Rather than using “busy” as a blanket excuse, why not shift the focus to what you’re accomplishing? Share your latest win, update people on what you’re working on, or, if you need help – ask for it. You’ll notice that it changes the whole energy of the conversation. Instead of feeling stressed and trapped in the “busy” loop, you start talking about what’s productive and important.
Now, let’s address something else that’s even more annoying: when people assume you’re too busy. You know the line—“I know you’re so busy, but could you…?” Honestly, this is a subtle way of telling someone that they’re not available or approachable. You’re telling them they don’t know how to manage their time and calendar, self centered, stressed. Pretty rude, huh? It sets the tone as if you’re an afterthought, and even worse, it almost feels like an apology for asking for your time, when they never asked for. You are telling them who they are – and it’s not a compliment. It’s kind, like telling someone – “Wow, you look really tired.” When really you just look like shit.
Here’s the deal – whether you’re saying you’re busy or assuming someone else is, it’s not nice. It’s like dismissing the other person’s ability to manage their time or prioritize. Instead of assuming someone’s “too busy” to help or engage, how about asking them what you are asking them for. My guess is they are an adult, and they can say yes or no. Start the conversation with an open mindset: “I know you’ve got a lot going on, but I’d love for you to join us.” It’s more respectful, less presumptive, and invites connection rather than putting up barriers.
So whether you’re labeling yourself as busy or telling someone else they’re too busy, remember that these words can unintentionally create distance and boundaries. Let’s stop using “busy” as a crutch and start focusing on what really matters—connection, intention, and making space for the things that truly count.
