Reflection on Past Public Speaking, Insecurities, and Finally Owning My Voice
In 2018, I sat down and wrote a blog post titled “Public Speaking Insecurities.” This blog post that I’m now rewriting and republishing because so much has changed. It was raw, honest, and filled with all the messy, sweaty-palmed truths about how terrifying it was to stand in front of a crowd and talk. In 2016, I had just started dipping my toes into the world of media and speaking, and I was wildly uncomfortable with all of it. What I realized was that even though I was confident in the topic I was speaking on, I wasn’t confident – or healthy – mentally or physically.
Back then, I told the story of our first time on live TV. Jamie and I had been invited to appear on Twin Cities Live, and we were so nervous, we both—independently—prayed for a minor car accident just to get out of it. I wish I was joking. That’s how deep the fear ran. We weren’t sick, but our nerves made us feel like we were. We both took the entire day off just to prepare for a segment that aired at 3:00 PM. I remember getting ready at 6:00 AM, not because I needed to, but because I was desperately trying to stay calm.
And I still remember that drive to the studio. The inner voice that said, “Turn around.” We didn’t. We showed up. We laughed too much. We froze. We blinked, and it was over. I thought we blew it. The wildest part? They asked us back.
Twin Cities Live | WCCO |
That experience was the beginning of something I never saw coming. What started as a full-body panic turned into an unexpected door — one I didn’t think I was ready to walk through. But I did. Over and over again. And with each appearance, the panic softened. It never fully went away, but I stopped resisting it. I started learning how to move with it.
That was seven years ago. Today, in 2025, I speak 1–3 times a month.
I stand in front of hundreds of people and talk about things I deeply believe in: building businesses, telling your story, using your voice, and showing up fully. And when I say I love it now — I mean it. But I didn’t get here overnight.
What shifted?
Two years ago, I made a decision to stop avoiding the discomfort and start owning the fact that I have something to say. I claimed it. I stopped telling myself I wasn’t a speaker and started acting like someone who was becoming one. I stopped waiting to feel ready, and instead, I prepared like hell.
One of my “pre-speaking ritual” also included a glass of wine (or two or three). It was my way of coping with the nerves -something to take the edge off, calm my anxiety, and feel like I could get through it. But two years ago, I finally said enough is enough. I honestly thought there was no way I’d be able to speak without it… but here’s the truth: it’s so much better now.
I feel clearer, more grounded, and way more proud of how I show up. Speaking without that crutch didn’t make me worse—it made me stronger. And if you’re leaning on something to get through it, I promise there’s another way. One that feels really freaking good on the other side, and you’ll actually remember what you say and own it.
There’s something that happens when you practice a skill again and again. It doesn’t eliminate the fear — it just shows you that you can do hard things while you’re scared. And that’s what builds confidence.
But none of this would’ve ever clicked if it weren’t for my Grandpa Robert “Bob” Bergland.
He was a carpenter turned congressman — a man who spoke in rooms I could only dream of: The White House, the University of Minnesota, auditoriums across the country and overseas, and in our tiny hometown of Roseau, Minnesota. He taught me the single most important piece of advice I’ve ever gotten about public speaking.
“The key to giving a good speech is talking about what you love.”
Simple. And absolutely true.
When I tried to speak on topics I wasn’t passionate about, I could feel it. I was nervous, scattered, unsure. I sounded like someone trying to prove something. But when I spoke on things I loved, that I knew and lived and believed in — I could breathe. I could connect. I wasn’t performing; I was just sharing.
Grandpa Bob also told me, “Be and stay educated.”
After my grandpa passed away, I remember Jimmy Carter calling our family—something I’ll never forget. On that call, President Carter said something that has stayed with me ever since:
“Bob could speak to anybody. He made people feel seen. He listened, he cared, and he always showed up with heart. It wasn’t just about the words he said—it was how he made people feel.”
Whether he was in the White House speaking with the President, standing in front of a crowd (some who loved him, some who probably didn’t), or back home in Roseau chatting with families at the local restaurant or a stranger on the street, he treated everyone the same. Everyone mattered. Everyone was equal.
That’s the kind of leader I want to be—one who speaks with purpose, listens deeply, shares from the heart, stays educated, and leads with love.
If you don’t know what you’re talking about, people will see right through you. They’ll feel it. And honestly? So will you. That’s why now, I only speak on what I live. I share stories I’ve lived. I talk about brands I’ve actually used. I give advice I’ve learned the hard way. I’ve spoken about things before that weren’t mine to talk about — and every single time, it felt off. Never again.
And the funny thing is — the more true I am to myself, the more doors open. Every time I get off a stage, new opportunities come. Speaking has become a multiplier, not just in my business, but in my belief in myself.
I now prep for every event like an athlete. I walk. I stretch. I rehearse. I visualize. I pray. I speak my affirmations out loud. I write my opening line a hundred times until it feels like mine. I get dressed in clothes that make me feel grounded and strong. I think about my audience — what they need, what they fear, what they hope for. And then I step on stage and give them my whole heart.
That’s how I’ve changed. But that scared girl from 2018? I still carry her with me. Because she’s the one who said yes, even when everything in her wanted to run.
5 Real-Life Tips on How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking Nerves (From Someone Who Gets It)
1. Don’t Over-Prepare Yourself Into a Corner
Yes, you should know your stuff—but prepping too much can backfire. I’ve learned that when I over-prepare or script out every answer (especially for a panel), I start overthinking and lose my natural voice. Instead, I prep close to go-time, so the content is fresh, it’s top of mind, and I can show up as me—not a rehearsed version of me.
“Practice until you can’t get it wrong—but don’t script it so tight that you forget how to be human.” – speaking coach mantra
2. Channel the Energy, Don’t Fight It
Nervous? Perfect. That means you care. Instead of fighting those butterflies, ride them. Use that adrenaline. Nerves are your body’s way of getting ready for something big. My husband Jamie always tells our kids before sports games:
“Nerves are good—it’s your body telling you you’re getting ready.”
I carry that with me when I speak. This is my sport. I treat it like a big game. And yeah, I blast a pump-up song before I go on stage—music helps me shift from anxious to amped.
3. Get in Your Zone: Create a Ritual That Grounds You
One hour before go-time, I go quiet. I physically pull away from the crowd, the noise, and the distractions. I rehearse my key points one more time, sip water, and focus.
And—this is a big one—I move my body. Hands high over my head, deep breaths, maybe even some jumping jacks. You know what that does?
- Raises your energy levels
- Signals confidence to your brain (Amy Cuddy’s famous research on “power poses” backs this)
- Activates your nervous system in a way that burns nervous energy and resets your mood
“Your body shapes your mind. Two minutes of a power pose can increase confidence and lower stress.” – Amy Cuddy, Harvard researcher
Try it: before your next speaking moment, find a quiet spot, throw your hands in the air, take a few big deep breaths, and jump around. Sounds silly. Totally works.
4. Talk To People, Not At Them
Here’s the thing—people don’t want a polished robot on stage. They want you. The you that stumbles a little, laughs mid-sentence, and tells a real story. Shift your mindset from “I hope I impress them” to “I hope this helps someone.” That tiny flip in focus takes the pressure off and brings the heart in. Connection > perfection.
5. Turn Fear into Fuel
That feeling in your chest? It’s not panic. It’s power. And when you flip the script on how you think nerves should feel, it changes the game. I’ve started to get excited when nerves kick in. I tell myself, “This is happening. My body’s gearing up for something awesome.” I light up my favorite song, move a little, smile a lot, and go.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” – Nelson Mandela
(Or as I say: nerves mean you give a damn. So use that.)
If public speaking still scares you, here’s what I want you to know: You don’t have to become fearless to be powerful. You just have to be honest. Be passionate. Be prepared. Speak from the truth you know. And practice, practice, practice.
You’ll grow into the role. And one day, you’ll look back and realize… You became the speaker you always dreamed of being.
You’re Not Alone (And You’re More Ready Than You Think)
If you would’ve told me years ago that I’d be doing 1–3 speaking gigs a month and actually enjoying them, I would’ve laughed. But here I am—still with nerves, still blasting pump-up music, still hiding in a corner an hour before—but also standing in my confidence. Not because I don’t get scared, but because I know how to work with the fear, not against it.
Public speaking isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present. It’s about showing up as yourself, sharing your story, and knowing that someone in that room needs to hear it.
So if your heart is pounding before you grab the mic? Good. That means it matters. Now breathe deep. Throw your hands up. And go own your moment.
Been there? Still there? I’d love to hear your go-to rituals or what helps calm your nerves before speaking—drop them in the comments or message me over on Instagram! We’re all in this together.
