As I’m nearing the beginning of my last trimester I’ve had unexpected mixed emotions. While I’ve stated in previous posts that I don’t necessarily love being pregnant, I don’t hate it either.
The swollen legs, enlarged varicose veins, uncomfortable sleepless nights, not being able to keep your eyes open all day, no motivation, eating all the things, limited coffee intake, saying goodbye to wine and deli meat… I could live without…
But there is no better feeling in the world than baby kicks, the mind-blowing fact that your body is creating this tiny perfect human, the unexplainable bond you create and feel, the comfort in knowing that you always have your mini with you safe and sound, and let’s talk about how nice complete strangers treat you and how fun it is to dress the bump!
And now that I know it’s my last pregnancy, I want to bottle up these last few months and save these feelings forever.
It took more than a few conversations to get Jamie on board with having a third, he was content with two and I have always wanted four, so he finally met me in the middle with three. So now, this will be our last.
There’s this weird sense of feeling, ya know when you know you know. After Beckam (our second) was born, I just knew our family wasn’t complete.
There was this sense of someone, something still missing. I loved being a boy mom and our family of four, but I always knew in my heart we weren’t done yet.
And the second I peed on that stick and found out I was pregnant with our third, there was this overwhelming sense of… well, I don’t even know how to explain it… but I just knew our family was now complete.
I have comfort in knowing this will be our last, however, what I didn’t expect were all of the emotions that come with knowing it’s your last pregnancy. This wasn’t something I wasn’t prepared for.
As I’m moving into my last trimester, I can’t help but think of forever and I get really emotional about that. This chapter of my life is coming to a close and never, ever will I go through these experiences and feelings again.
I want to bottle up these moments and never forget these feelings again… the feeling of putting all of your trust and confidence into yourself, the pride you have of your body for being able to create and nurture a human being, the unexplainable bond, the kicks and any tiny movement, all the emotions… I am going to cling tight and hold onto these final moments for as long as possible and hopefully, my journalling will bring back these reminders again down the road.
Knowing it’s my last, the one thing that I have done this pregnancy is slow down. Or maybe it was because Covid-19 forced me too, haha!
One of the things that always kind of annoyed me or I guess I should say, never understood was when I was pregnant with Greyson and Beckam and was told, “Slow down, take it all in, it’ll be gone before you know it.” I’d stop and try to take whatever in, and wasn’t even sure how to do that.
I can’t just sit there and watch the clock. But now for whatever reason, it’s clicked and I get it. And now I’m been doing things differently this last time around.
While when I think back to my previous pregnancies with Greyson and Beckam, it was all just a blur. While it makes me a bit sad I didn’t take actions and these steps prior, I reminded myself we were also at completely different stages in life.
We were building our business, our brand, we were having to move fast to stay afloat. It was, sink or swim, 3-6 years ago and that’s where our focus was and had to be.
But now that we’re at a different place in our lives and career I’m so thankful to be able to focus on my self, our baby, and prenatal care.
Even though this is my third time around, I am learning so much about what is happening with my body, and for the first time, I think Jamie is learning more about what his wife is going through.
This is interesting because for the first time he can’t go to any doctor’s appointments with me due to COVID, so it’s led to a lot more conversations.
But I’d love to hear and learn from you!
When did you know it was your last?
Did you have some of these same unexpected emotions knowing it was your last pregnancy?
What were some of the emotions you experienced and how did you overcome?
As I’m moving into trimester three here in a few short weeks, I’m going to be taking it all in more than ever, slowing down and truly feeling all of the emotions. But I also can hardly wait to meet our baby girl in October. Eeeekkk…