Diving Deep into my Why | Part Four, Hitting Rock Bottom

Hope you all had a memorable Memorial weekend!

Noah’s back again today, chatting about why he’s in prison and sharing the journey that led him there. But first, I want to mention a few things…

If you missed Part One he also shares quickly in the beginning of why he’s publicly sharing his journey. He didn’t take this series lightly and has a purpose for sharing it all so if you missed Part One you can rewind back and read about it.

I also want to mention; this is Noah’s story. Not anyone else’s.

Noah had 29 other co-defendants. Most all of his co-defendants are now done serving their time and he truly hopes they are all doing well. He’s only sharing HIS journey, the choices and actions HE made that led HIMSELF to prison. We want to make it clear he would never expose or intentionally disrespect anyone that was involved within his past. Like he mentioned in one letter, he has forgiven those that wronged him and he prays one day they will do the same to him.

And lastly I want to remind everyone, these stories that he is sharing today are talking about his past and the life he lived over six years ago. Today, he is a completely different person in different state of mind. And we’ll get to that in the stories on living his new life with a clear and healthy mentality eventually too.

Alrighty, another hard letter to read, where Noah hit rock bottom…

Noah, here. Back again.

Well, where I decided to go from being held at gunpoint from part three was to lie and deceive everyone that loved me, such as my sister, brother, mother, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Everyone who was the closest to me, and that loved me the most. I thought I was at an all-time low before, but here’s where I officially hit rock bottom.

Looking back now, I probably should have gone and laid out the facts for them. I should have asked them for their help and put myself at their mercy.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I put together a business plan for my painting business that I already knew at this point was going to fail. I thought I could take the money, double it up by selling drugs, and pay off the debt. My family loaned me the money I was asking for, and I am sure they all knew I wasn’t going to pay it back anytime soon, but they did it anyway.

Why did I lie to them instead of trusting they would help me regardless of the circumstances?

Well, I didn’t think I could risk the chance of them saying no. After the last episode, I thought it was a life or death situation, but to this day, I still wish I would have done it differently.

I probably still would have been in plenty of legal trouble at that point, but I could have prevented further damage to my health and relationships with my family.

Regardless of what I should have done, I didn’t do it.

I carried the plan out, and it was successful. I was chipping away at my debt but possibly permanently damaged all relationships in the process.

I moved back into my high-rise apartment in downtown Minneapolis, which I thought I would have gotten evicted from, but the task force never submitted paperwork to them notifying them of any drugs or illegal activity being found or confiscated.

But then I got robbed again…

The next robbery was a friend of a friend, who had some buddies who were looking for some weed and cocaine, both of which I had. We were just trying to agree on the amounts, and because they decided to get less then I had, I figured I was good, but I was wrong.

We took off from downtown to meet these guys in Brooklyn Park, and things started to feel fishy as soon as we pulled into town. We couldn’t agree on where to meet, and these guys started taking forever. Finally, I pulled up at the spot where they told us to be, and a Tahoe pulls in behind me, and the blue and red lights come on, “Oh shit,” I thought.

The kid in the car says I am going to run with the drugs, and I thought… “sounds good to me.” He took the bag out of the back seat and took off, and the Tahoe pulled out and pursued him.

I sat there for a minute and watched the Tahoe tear around the neighborhood, clearly looking for the kid with the duffle bag, and I quickly realized that the Tahoe was probably not a cop, and more than likely I just got robbed.

I wasn’t going to stick around and figure out which was the case, so I took off and added another $5,000 to the debt.

The summer was winding down, and I knew I had to be out of my apartment because my lease was about to be up and I hadn’t paid rent since the raid, so I was about 4-5 months behind, so my time there was up. I had no intention of ever paying the rent off with the apartment but my name wasn’t the only one on the lease (and in my drug-fueled episode that crucial piece of information slipped my mind) and within a couple of months my mom was stuck picking up yet another bill for her 25-year-old baby boy.

I moved my stuff into a storage unit and decided to bounce around sleeping on couches for a little while until I found a new place. That new place never came, and for the next few months, I ended up being homeless in Minneapolis. I was never sleeping on the street or even roaming the street. Most of the time, I had money because I was still running drugs up north, but my connections were getting pretty fed up with my behavior and with many of them I was on my last leg.

I still had a car, and most nights, I either found a friend to let me crash on their couch, or I would find a cheap last minute hotel to sleep in for the night. Things started to get really pathetic and I never once thought about calling home or asking my brother or sister (who lived in the same city) for help or a place to crash.

I ended up getting robbed one more time around September or October of 2011. It was a deal to sell some kids a couple of pounds of weed, and we were going to meet them at a hotel in Brooklyn Park. I put the hotel in my name as I was planning on staying there that night after the deal was done. I left the drugs in the car, and we brought the guys we were selling to in, we counted all the money, and I told them I was going to get the stuff out of the car.

They weren’t expecting this, but it didn’t matter because my senses weren’t too sharp at this point. I exited the back door of the hotel, and a guy walking towards me turned around quickly and went back towards his car, although I thought it suspicious I didn’t give it a second thought.

I grabbed the goods and went back into the hotel room. They were looking over the weed, and I was putting the money together, and a third guy was let into the hotel room, and that individual had a gun. He then put us on the ground and took our phones, wallets, and both the cash and the grass. 

This was the last straw for me in Minneapolis. I still owed plenty of money to a couple of my guys, and family, but by this point, I knew I was being investigated by several organizations. I was jobless, homeless, been raided, robbed three times, and knew it was just a matter of time before I was either on my way to the grave or prison.

I made three phone calls, two to the guys I owed money to, and one to my daughter’s grandpa. The guys I owed money to understood and decided it was for the best. So, I called Melrose’s grandpa and asked if I could move up to East Grand Forks, to clean up and live with him.

He said two things, “You get a job, and you quit using that shit!”

And I agreed.

From the inside, 
Noah

 

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[…] after I hit rock bottom I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my past and simply […]