To me empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes or simply being sympathetic for someone in need.
As my mom put it in my PSI, which was an investigation into my background done by U.S. Probation, “rooting for the underdog.”
And of course she was right, I always want to find the best in everyone and help them realize their potential or simply feel loved.
Many of my friends, growing up and now, came from what society may label as a broken or dysfunctional homes. And the older I get the more and more I realized these labels are simply becoming the standard, some just hide it better then others.
I always felt for those less privileged then myself, that is not to say I didn’t have problems of my own, and maybe I was just focused on helping them so I could turn a blind eye to my own issues.
A couple of my faults growing up were being naive or not thinking I had a problem and not taking care of myself first, but I know that now.
I don’t think my look on life needs to change. I just need to make some corrections.
I still want to help people and that will never change.
However, I will always make sure that my life is healthy and stable before I move forward in the pursuit to help others. Because, if I’m not alright, what help will I really be?
Empathy is a huge part of my treatment. It’s how I relate as I hear someone’s testimony. That part is usually easy because many of the stories I hear, I have personally been there.
Empathy is one addict helping another.
The danger of a bunch of addicts helping each other is obvious, because many of us are ticking time bombs waiting for our next explosion, and with every explosion there is sharp nail that is going to hit everybody in it’s blast radius.
I need to make sure I protect myself when someone I care about goes off. Because if I don’t I will be the next one.
I worry about that because that scenario is very much realistic and has happened many times before. I reflect back on how I got pulled into the drug game. It was very similar to how I eventually tried that next drug, you hang out in environment long enough, no matter how toxic it is, it will eventually feel normal.
By the time I was in a position where I needed to turn to sell drugs to make a living, it didn’t seem like that unethical of a way to get by. Then think back on all the people that I pulled into the drug game, struggling co-workers at legitimate jobs, just because I was looking for a partner in crime or someone to share the money and the shame with.
I would tell myself I was helping them out but really I just wanted someone to hurt with me, because I realized I was the person who I was once trying to help and now I was looking for that same help in return, it’s just that I didn’t know how to ask.
I thought I was using empathy when I would find my runners to bring my drugs up to North Dakota, but I now realize that I was just praying on the weak and addicted, and it was more manipulation then anything else.
So how can I help those in need without putting myself at risk?
One way would be keep it in a work setting, public speaking, community outreach, blog posts, and meetings or groups.
I think it’s when you take something on in your personal life it becomes risky. Befriending an addict or getting into a relationship with one can be a recipe for disaster, because then it’s just a matter of time and if one goes the chances of the other going as well multiplies.
Well, what if it’s your family that needs help?
You might have to ask my brother and sister that question but I think they have done a good job, from my perspective anyways. They haven’t put their own families at risk by helping me, they’ve always made sure to put them first, which is smart.
At the same time they have always been there for me when I have asked for help. They have even said no when they should have, like when I asked for money for a business plan, my brother saw right through it, knew I was in no shape to run a business, and declined. Then I asked my brother for money to fix my car. He didn’t give me cash, but instead said he’d go with me to the repair shop and pay them directly in person in which we did, and to this day I still haven’t paid him back… but I will.
You can still show empathy by saying no. It might be the hard way, but it’s the right thing to do sometimes.
Thanks for listening!
Noah
