Hey everyone! Noah here.
I recently heard a quote that really put things in perspective for me and I wanted to share it with you.”By not doing only one thing that I want, I can have everything else.”
In other words, I Can Have It All, But I Can’t Have That.
The topic we were discussing when I heard that was why we chose to use. My brain wouldn’t let me go to sleep that night until I wrote it down. Because why I originally used weed or alcohol in my teenage years was not why I continued to use cocaine and meth later in life. But this was saying if I just denied myself this one thing, I could have everything else I wanted.
But the using was rooted in absence or pain.
The same deep-rooted pain, emotions, or insecurities might have still been there but I continued because I loved it. I finally found something that made me happy or at least I thought that is what I found.
I thought drugs were awesome and I thought everything I did on them was just elevated to a whole other level that I wouldn’t be able to reach without them. Golf is more fun, sex is more enjoyable, hell, just sitting around seems like the best thing in the world sometimes. I was awesome at doing drugs, or at least that is what I had convinced myself.
But eventually, your world starts to become unmanageable, because one thing that is not better on drugs is physical health and mental health and work, and you can’t live without those for very long. All your relationships, except the ones doing the drugs with you, become non-existent. Then everything to do with life starts to build up pressure around your little high and you realize you can’t sustain your lifestyle.
Before you know it you can’t afford rent, you don’t talk to your family, you don’t work or if you are lucky to still have a job, your work performance is greatly lacking, bills are piling up, the high is wearing off, it’s time to eat, and you can go to sleep but eventually you have to wake up to reality and you realize you have nothing.
So why do we choose to give our whole lives up to these drugs that always, in the end, leave us with nothing? My buddy who shared that quote with me was right.
All we have to do is not use drugs and we can have everything else that is important to us.
For some people obviously there is more to it if they struggle with deeper mental health issues, but even those are manageable if you stay away from drugs.
These six years in prison has provided enough evidence to me as I have made the tiniest amount of money I have ever made in my life, plus the little additional help I receive from the outside, and I manage what I have and make it work.
I don’t owe anybody money at any point, I always have my essentials in my locker, hygiene, coffee, and food, and I can do this all because I am able to budget what I have and not have random spending sprees thanks to crazy drug-filled outings, where I want to buy drinks for everyone at the bar because I am drunk and think I am still on a drug dealers salary.
So when I get out, all I have to do is not use. It just seems so simple, but those of us who have been there know how far from that truth that truly is. So for me I stayed involved, after my treatment was finished, I immediately made a commitment to start going to NA twice a week where there is a good group of people who will listen to my problems.
This blog is also helping me more then any of you could possibly know, it’s keeping the topics fresh in my head, and it’s allowing me to express myself in hopes of helping others, but at the same time helping me realize what’s important in my life, so I can get out and be the best possible me.
Thanks for listening!