Missing Funerals While in Prison | Noah’s Story

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Noah here!

Another crappy part about going to prison, is that people die. And of course, you are going to miss their funerals in the majority of situations.

The reason I say the majority is because, in some cases, you may get permission to leave for the funeral temporarily. Because I am at a prison camp I have privileges that those inmates housed at the lows, mediums, and penitentiaries do not have. Now, these privileges are not guaranteed, and I can be denied when I ask for a furlough to go to a funeral, which I was for my Grandpa Bob’s funeral.

A furlough is any trip, whether it’s escorted or not escorted, where an inmate is approved to leave the facility in which they are being housed at. The funerals that I would most likely not be denied for would be my mom, brother and sister, and daughter. The funerals I will or have already been refused for are my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, kid’s mom, and any friend or extended family.

If your furlough request is denied, you can be granted a temporary interruption of sentence by your judge, but those types of things take time, and funerals usually happen pretty quickly, so they are usually reserved for other things. Maybe a wedding or graduation of a child could be a couple of examples. I guess you can say I have been pretty fortunate as the only funeral I have missed is my Grandpa Bob’s, who had battled cancer and sickness for years, since before I even left for prison in the first place.

For those reasons it’s the one I feared the most, and it’s the one I was hoping wouldn’t happen while I was in prison, because it’s a man that has provided and done so much for myself and my whole family.

One of the last two times I saw my Grandpa, he was standing on the front porch of my brother’s house, right after my sister’s wedding, while I was saying goodbye to a big portion of my family for the next 10 years. He tried to shake my hand but Grandma quickly stopped him and told him to hug me, which he did. I know he didn’t mean any less affection by it, it was simply his natural instinct from years in politics, something I respect him greatly for.

 

  

My Grandpa never missed an opportunity to tell me that he was proud of me, even after I got indicted and drug his respected name through the mud because of my mess.

I remember calling my Grandparents prior to getting indicted and before the newspapers started printing our names, thanks to a recommendation by my mom. After the papers came out, they were the first to reach out and tell me they are not mad and that they loved me.

They are the reason that whenever I crashed or damaged some material item, my dad always asked how I was first, something I will certainly pass along with my kids.

The other and final time I saw my Grandpa Bob was almost five years ago when I first transferred to Yankton. He came with my Grandma and aunt Diane, he wasn’t the healthiest at the time, and I could tell he kept trying to end the visit early, but Grandma and Diane kept reminding him that they are staying the whole time. I think it was more dementia then him actually wanting to leave. But my Grandma and aunt said he was the one who was persistent about visiting me. 

I am glad I was able to see and spend time with him at least one more time before he passed. I spoke with him on the phone either the day before or the day he died, when I found out he was near the end. When I was talking to him I was certain he knew it was me, but he sounded very tired and I told him that I loved him and appreciated everything he has done for me, and he told me the same and yet again, told me how proud he was of me.

I have seen many inmates over the years be less fortunate when it comes to missing funerals. I have even seen people miss funerals of their immediate family members; parents, siblings, and children in some extreme cases.

One of my friends, Jake, when in Milan, he was unable to get a hold of his dad one day, and I remember him saying, “I hope nothing is wrong with him.” And a day later, he was still unable to reach anyone, and he started to assume the worst. He finally reached someone and found out that his dad had passed, and he was devastated. The next step was to get a furlough and go to the funeral, he assumed he was going to be able to make it happen, since he was an out custody inmate, which means he went outside the fence everyday on gate pass for work.

The prison turned him down and said neither an escorted or unescorted trip was going to be possible. Of course, I related to him immediately, as I thought about my own dad, whom I lost, and thought about what it would have been like to deal with that stress in such a stressful environment…I couldn’t even begin to imagine his pain. I know they say you do the crime, you do the time, but it’s hard not to feel for some of these individuals in these hard times when dealing with a loss.

I have always told myself not to forget the reasons why it’s so important to maintain my status at a minimum institution, so if the unthinkable happens, I have an opportunity to make things right.

I pray that nothing else goes wrong over the next eight months, and I don’t think I have to worry about such matters. Another reason on the long list to stay out of prison.

Thanks for listening!
Noah