Hey guys,
Noah here back again. Hope you’re all having a good Sunday and a nice Father’s day. I’m feeling pretty grateful that I got to spend the weekend with my nephews and Morgan who made the drive and took the time to spend Father’s day weekend with me. And I’m pretty pumped about the upcoming content we’re going to be talking about after talking through everything with Morgan. More to come.
But today I wanted to talk about breaking the cycle when it comes to helping those that you love. This is something Morgan and I and some of our readers have chatted a lot about which is also a big topic of debate. In particular a few of our readers sent a private message asking about a personal experience they were going through with one of their loved ones and was looking for some advice and insight into what they can do to support or help.
First off, I am a firm believer that before someone can truly break the cycle, they have to want to change for themselves, and not for anyone else.
Rock bottom is different for everyone.
For some people it could be a near death experience, losing everything they had, maybe going to prison for a short or long time, or simply having a change of heart.
It all comes back to wanting to do it, not forcefully doing it.
For me rock bottom was 2011 and towards the end of it I decided to start making changes in my life. Even though to some from the outside looking in may have thought my life didn’t look perfect between November of 2011 when I left Minneapolis till May of 2012 when I got indicted, or even September of 2013 when I eventually reached incarceration. However, one thing I continued to do was make improvements from where I was once, and those improvements have also continued throughout my prison time and will continue throughout the rest of my life.
From an outsider looking in on someone falling apart or self-destructing, I don’t necessarily think there is any sure fire way to save the individual that is in a tailspin. But there are things you can do to try and show your support in different ways.
When I was reaching the end to hitting my rock bottom, I didn’t have a whole lot of my loved ones reaching out asking if I needed help. Because, to be honest, most of them didn’t know the whole story of what was taking place.
The first thing a drug addict does is push away anyone that is going to tell them “no” when it comes to the drug use or criminal behavior that is occurring. Like I’ve mentioned in past letters, being an addict you are ashamed and embarrassed, and on top of that don’t know how to open up to someone who has no idea what you’re going through.
Most of the people in my life in 2011 were either up to the same activities or got a look into my world and avoided me at all costs until I cleaned up.
The few that did reach out from time to time with concerns, I quickly deflected those concerns with smoke screens or manipulation.
In the end I decided on my own to get out of Minneapolis and move up north to get a change of scenery. Part of it was I had a 9-month-old daughter, I also knew there was a good chance I was going to prison, and most importantly I didn’t like the person I had become, and I had had enough.
Also, the person I finally turned to for help was someone who I thought would judge me the least and wouldn’t put up with my shit if I got out of control again.
It sounds selfish, but the change has to be for yourself because otherwise there is a good chance it won’t last.
External motivators are great, and they can work for some cases, but your recovery is then tied to something that isn’t 100% guaranteed to be permanent throughout your life.
Life can be harsh, and anything can happen, so for longevity, internal motivators are more proven.
You rarely can control most things in life, but you can control how you react to situations as they arise. You are the only one that is in control of your life.
When it comes to helping others, you also have to protect yourself and the ones you love because you don’t want to get pulled into whatever situation you are trying to help them resolve. What I would recommend most is an occasional check-in via phone call or text message. Or sending them articles, blog posts like these, or connecting them with healthy people now but maybe were once in the same position that they were once in.
Don’t be judgy, pushy or confrontational, just simply let them know that you care about them and are here for them if they need it. They will let you know when the time is right, and the help is wanted. And make sure you’re taking care of your mental health too, because I know what I put my family through, and they leaned on some strong people. You need strong support!
And if they ask for money, be smart, and know if you extend financial help, you are most likely supplying their habit. There is only so much you can do, besides being supportive in love, and the last thing you want is to put your self at risk physically or financially trying to help others.
So be kind, be compassionate, but be safe.
I hope this is helpful.
From the inside,
Noah
