Hey guys, Noah here.
So today, I went to my group meeting, and usually, I am looking to be pulled out of a funk and trying to get refueled to make it to the next week without exploding on someone or imploding on myself.
It gives me the balance I have talked about, resets my equilibrium, and allows me to continue on the right path.
Life can be a struggle and most times you are only fighting with yourself, but today was different.
I went to the meeting riding on a high because the day was already going good in part from a couple of good phone calls earlier with my sister, who I talk to weekly and my friend Lars, who I recently interviewed. I loved the energy that came from both conversations.
I had a vision in my head of what the future might hold for me and where we can go with the momentum that we are building and then comes group, and the topic is vision, and I am like WTF.
I have had plenty of visions of what I was destined for in life and none of those included prison.
When I started this sentence I thought it was a bad dream. Something I would eventually wake up from, because in my mind, I didn’t belong here. I am nothing like these people, I didn’t have a screwed up childhood, I got decent grades in school, I tried to treat people well, but eventually, I had to realize that none of that matters now. Because clearly, I had some major character defects that dragged me down all the same.
During this time, I have learned what does matter is how I handle my current situation, and it doesn’t have to stop here. The more and more I become active in my recovery, the more possibilities that open up in my mind, and the clearer my vision becomes.
As I was sitting in group, I started to think about the endless possibilities. I thought about the message my sister and I can deliver with the help of the guys in this very room, not only to the addict that still suffers but to the addict who hasn’t even suffered yet.
I think about the schools or kids that have reached out to Morgan and the questions the kids have or the class that she went to speak at. All I can ever think about is if there is one kid in any of these classrooms that is going to become me one day, I hope my answers help plant a different seed, so they don’t go down my same path at 8th grade.
The visit, letters, DMs, and questions from these kids are the most meaningful experience I have been part of in my whole life, and I hope it’s only one of many to come. I may not be present, and my words may have to come through Morgan, but I can still feel the contagious overflowing positive energy every time over the phone as Morgan talks through these experiences. And it’s almost like I’m right there.
This is only the beginning because there are more messages than mine that people need to hear. A few of them were sitting with me right in that room, in a basement of a prison on a Tuesday night, waiting to be heard. Dennis, Mike, and Chris are a few of the messages I intend to deliver, their stories are traumatic, but there is also a message of hope because they made it out the other side or are at least in the process.
We might be in prison, but we aren’t dead, we are working a program, and today we were successful. At the end of the day, if our sentences can be a sort of sacrifice instead of a complete waste of time, then they can be worth it. But, in order to get there I have to get through today, because if I don’t help myself first, I won’t be much help to anybody.
My vision doesn’t stop with my recovery, because there is still the existing brand, construction2style, that I can’t wait to get out and be an asset for, for growth and new opportunities. I am glad I have been able to be a part of the brand, but I feel like I can be so much more.
I don’t know the exact ways that I will make an impact, but I know I have the desire and capacity to help Morgan, Jamie, Topher, and Jordan reach their goals, and who knows, maybe I can help take them even further.
But first, I need to learn the business inside and out; I want to learn the estimating and construction side with Jamie, project managing with Topher, interior designing with Jordan, and managing the blog and brand with Morgan. Until I know every aspect, I won’t be able to reach my full potential.
To grasp every concept, I will ask questions, possibly to the point of becoming a nuisance, because I wasn’t blessed with a complex brain that can’t learn things through simply explaining them once. I have to do it over and over, but once I have it, I have it. I know that now, and I am not afraid to admit that weakness. I believe my strengths will carry me over these weak spots because I am eager to learn, easy to work with, I bring one hell of a personality to the table, and I am quick to admit when I am wrong.
I don’t want to be that brother that is just given a handout because they feel sorry for me. I want to be able to look at the business at the end of the day and see what I have brought to the table. I want to add value that translates not only to profit, but meaning. I know something amazing is in store for construction2style around the corner of my release and the anticipation is killing me.
I’ve shared a few new ideas with Morgan, and wherever Morgan wants to take it, I am willing to go. So once she gives me the green light, I can’t wait to share with you guys what we’re up to next. Until then…
Thanks for listening!
Noah
