Hey all,
Noah back again…
I wanted to touch on what going to prison in real life is like.
It’s not all what you see on the TV shows (as Morgan is always scared and quick to think) but prison is like going back to junior high or middle school, because it’s full of bullies.
It is not a place for sensitive, insecure, thin-skinned, or easily offended people.
Which is ironic because a “bully” is usually a severely insecure individual who needs to attack or point out others flaws to draw attention away from their own, and prison is full of these individuals.
Then it’s amplified because we don’t have much going on in our lives, so we focus on things we otherwise may not have noticed.
So I guess we might as well use “me” for an example, what do they attack “me” for in here?
The number one insult I hear usually pertains to the size of my head. I have heard anything from “Hey Jimmy Neutron” to “Hey, Yo, Big Head,” depending on how clever they are.
It immediately started after I became incarcerated and those people started talking to people in Milan and so it followed me to South Dakota.
It somewhat bothered me at first…but after six years in prison you just say whatever, “YA! I got a big fucking head, and own it.” They kinda shut up after that.
Recently this white guy with a much smaller body then I and a slightly bigger head showed up, and the Jimmy Neutron comments started getting directed to him, so thank you- new Jimmy Neutron!
The second insecurity is the way I walk. Which I have come to realize I am built slightly funny in the leg department. Knock-kneed like my big sis & brother and my quads rub together, so there is a little “switch” as they call it in prison terms.
I thought that sounded badass at first and then I realized it’s a term directed at homosexuals in prison.
Well, I am now 15 lbs heavier than when I came in, and my quads are even bigger, and therefore I guess my switch got worse as well. So I will be walking the compound and guys will yell “Hey Bergy, can I get some fries with that shake?”
Ya, it makes me feel pretty masculine.
What else do we pick on each other about? Hairlines, or balding hair in general that guys don’t want to let go…walks, talks, twitches, mannerisms (usually meth-related), poorly aged individuals, teeth, sexual orientation, height, people who come to visit, etc. The poking and annoyance never ends.
There’s another one weight.
People here are very critical of people’s weight. And most times it’s individuals that are in much worse condition doing the teasing.
Only in prison will you have two different people ask you how much weight you have lost, and then another will tell you that you are getting fat.
That has happened more than once to me, so I am sure I am not the only one.
So what do I do? I try to hang out with people that chose to compliment and bring one another up versus putting others down. I try to laugh and shrug it off. Because if I just passed on by and let it bother me, the poking would get harder.
My buddies Kyle and Nate, who have both left prison, were the best at this, maybe even borderline making a pass, but hey… I’m not going to turn down a compliment ( really miss you guys in here!)
That and as they taught me in treatment, there is no point in letting these individuals ruin my day because they feel like being rude.
I’m good. I’m happy. I’m working out. I’m confident. And I have good people on my side who continue to lift me up.
From the inside,
Noah
